Author: admin

Well… the results are in.  Chemo it is.  Why mince words? 
I got a 20 on my Oncotype DX.  It’s considered the low end of intermediate. My oncologist said the magic number to hope for was an 18 or less so when I heard 20 I guess I kind of got a little nauseous. Low end of intermediate. WTH? How about a 2 or a 30 – some definitive really low or really high number so the decision would be a no brainer. Not some crappy low, intermediate!  So, what does the number mean?  Without chemo, statistics suggest there is a 13% chance that cancer would return within 10 years — and we’re talking distant recurrence… to another organ.  I have essentially no chance of local recurrence as there is no breast tissue to invade (hence no radiation). The use of chemo would be to address any remaining cancer cells that could potentially be in my body, lying in wait, ready to camp out somewhere else. This time in the brain, lungs, bones…wherever; and that is the potentially life threatening kind.  So if you knew there were a 13% chance that your own personal crazy, Jason Voorhees would return to your camp site wouldn’t you want to do everything possible to make sure you KNEW you put that stake through his heart for good? Well sure, I wouldn’t go camping ever again either, but let’s say for the sake of argument that you HAD to go camping…you had to LIVE at the campground. You’d want to reduce the chance of seeing that hockey masked freak by any amount.  (Why not make Friday the 13th references? I’m all about the visual aids. Call me the Dr. Oz of bloggers)  By choosing to take chemo I essentially reduce my risk of distant recurrence to about 3%. A 10% drop is pretty significant in my opinion, thus I have decided to go for it. My oncologist shared with all sincerity that if I were her sister, daughter, or friend this would be her recommendation.I have one opportunity to reduce my long term chances of recurrence and I will take whatever aggressive measures I need to take to kick cancer’s ass.  I plan to be around for another few decades and if this is a temporary situation to long happily ever after then I gotta do what I gotta do.
Now the hair thing is an issue in and of itself.
I am the short one with the curly hair.  Always have been; it’s my identity.  Go ahead, try to describe me without using the words short or curly (or some synonyms thereof). Impossible. It’s taken me a long time to befriend my hair and now I face the possibility of losing it. As a teen, rainy days and walking to the bus stop gave me temporary clinical depression. A comb can turn me into Diana Ross – not so glamorous for me. Then there’s the issue of twirling!  I have twirled my hair since kindergarten. It is my comfort, my blankie, my stress reliever. Finally, call me vain, but losing hair is harder to conceal. A bald head on a woman?  That just glares illness. No one has to know that I’ve lost breasts. Scarves, big sweaters…clothing conceals it.  I don’t want those tilted head, wide eyed, pouty mouthed, awwwww stares and, “Oh she must have….” .whispers.  It’s not a guarantee, side effects vary but about 80% of women lose most to all of their hair. Crap.
Details:  I will have 4 rounds of chemotherapy which will include Taxotere and Cytoxan.  I will go for appointments every 21 days. The drugs will be administered intravenously and will take about 3- 4 hours.  Nurses will monitor closely for reactions or allergies.  Side effects include tiredness, nausea, decreased white blood cell count and compromised immune system.  I will stay in school as much as I am able. There will be more details and implications as this all relates to my placement and graduation, but again, I will do what I can do go get through. I will start this Thursday; I’m already delayed because of the wait for tests. I’ve been hoping for the best but preparing for this possibility so I am as ready as I can be.
That’s about all I have to share for now.  Still so much to process and digest. I just wanted to share the news and keep all of my concerned friends and family in the loop. Still staying optimistic and in good spirits.  Keep those thoughts and prayers coming J

Time for another update. So, I saw my doc on Friday 2/21. She said I was looking great and gave me referrals to the oncologist and to physical therapy. Yay, on to the next phase. I asked about my Oncotype DX result and she said it was still not back – these things sometimes take a looong time. My teacher friend had her surgery on 2/7 and her results were back two weeks ago – WTH? There is only ONE lab that handles Onco DX tests. Well, on Monday I decided to advocate for myself and called the lab… lo and behold, they received the “order” on the 21^st!  Not the sample –the *order*! Coincidence?? I don’t think so!  I seriously think my doc had an “oh crap” moment when she met with me and realized the sample never got sent. She was on vacation two weeks after my surgery and somebody forgot to do something.  I called my nurse navigator and Dr. B’s office to share my conversation with the Genomic Health Lab in CA and my “concerns” about the order not even being received until the 21^st. Yeah well, Dr. Bellavance called me personally later that day to apologize. She said something along the lines of, “I certainly learned a lesson in follow-up”. I’m not exactly sure what that means but translates in my opinion to “someone dropped the ball”. Now, as I search for life lessons throughout my process I realize getting angry won’t get my results any quicker; nonetheless I am pretty peeved – and tired of WAITING. So by this point on 3/1 the lab officially has my sample and will process results within two weeks (I got confirmation calls from both the lab and my nurse navigator). At least my name is now fresh in their minds and I will hopefully get calls as soon as results are back. Reminder, this is the test that provides a number which helps to predict the likelihood of distant recurrence; a big piece of the puzzle with which to make a decision about chemo. 
I saw my plastic surgeon on Thurs. and got my first saline fill!  We’ve already established that those of you who are continuing to follow are prepared to hear TMI….Well, the fills feel like nursing breasts three hours beyond feeding time. OW!  She put in about 80 CCs which is approx. 3 ounces and that put me at about an A cup which means I have a ways to go.  I will continue to get fills about every week to two weeks depending how I tolerate the discomfort. I will go until I am happy with the size and will then have another surgery to swap out the expanders for the permanent implants.  I am not sure how long this whole process will take as it varies for many women, but I hope to be finished by August so that I can start school WHEN I get a teaching job and have this all behind me.  That said, this is still pending the decision about chemo.
I had a lovely meeting with my professors from FSU this week to formulate a plan for my return and revisit timeframes to complete assignments required for graduation.  I will be starting back half days in my teaching placement so that I can transition back slowly and see how I feel.  I started back yesterday and it was fantastic! So great to be showered and dressed in something other than yoga pants and hoodies. It was wonderful to see my kiddies who were full of smiles and hugs for me.  My mentor teacher is amazing; countless check-ins and take it easy reminders. Admittedly, I was exhausted by the end of the day! Took Devin to gymnastics, had dinner, sat on the couch, and was in a coma by the end of Jeopardy.  
While at my meeting and discussing graduation requirements, we discussed among other things, a fantastic idea, suggestion, endeavor, serendipitous opportunity… Call it what you will, I have to do an action research project and my blog may very well be a great avenue for research.  My research methodology would be a self-study and by virtue of sharing my story and assessing how my “life change” affects me as a person/educator I could produce a really interesting project.  So stay tuned to follow me along (on my journey) as I delve deeper into introspection and assessment.  Reflection is all the rage in professional development – who knew a life altering diagnosis, could be such a “gift”?!  “Oh the Thinks You Can Think… When You Have Breast Cancer!” ~ whaddaya think?
Well, those are the updates and highlights of the week. Overall, hangin’ in there.  My biggest struggle four weeks post-surgery is that I am constantly tired and sore and frankly, tired of being tired and sore.  In the week ahead:  Tuesday – Oncologist, Wednesday – Physical Therapy, Friday – Plastic Surgeon for another fill and all week back in class half days. Thank goodness they’re half days, because all of these doctor appointments are time consuming!  Emotionally stable at the moment, but that may be the next topic for discussion as that seems to be pretty erratic!   Stay tuned.

Love to ALL 

Three weeks post-surgery.   I think I prepared myself for this to be difficult, but I expected it to be a bit easier in a lot of ways too.  I thought the pain would be more tolerable and the emotion would be the challenge – I got that backwards.  My mood and disposition can vary greatly day to day.  I am trying my best to be pleasant and overall I think all things considered I’m doing pretty well. But let’s face it, I’m going to be irritable.  I am ok with the aesthetic changes and the fears about just the word CANCER.  I am not hopeless, depressed, or anxious…well, maybe occasionally.  Pain-wise however, I am in a good amount of pervasive discomfort. I thought I had a pretty high pain threshold, and I still think I do, but my patience is being tried.  I can deal with it, but I occasionally break down.
Recently my skin has become excruciatingly sensitive.  You know how bad sunburn makes just breeze, clothing or touch painful?  Well, that’s how I can best describe it, but without the sunburn.  Apparently it’s hyper sensitivity likely due to nerve damage and repair, but it’s becoming pretty annoying.  I also notice that drinking cold liquids feels weird; I can feel the cold sensation on the inside of my chest.  I have read others’ blogs and this seems pretty common.  Many report that the sensitivity is due to the cauterization during surgery – in essence you have a large internal burn.  Makes sense I guess!  My doc upped my dose of Gabapentin which is to address the nerve issue so hope that helps. I’m not usually a wimp, but this gets old!On a positive note – I got my last drains out on Tuesday! What a relief not to have to carry around those creepy, fluid- filled grenades. I cut back on the pain meds so I can resume operating heavy machinery and thinking clearly.  I got out and about this week which was nice. Went to a class, volunteered at a Frostburg event, and even got some sunshine outside with the kids. Felt great to put on some make-up and socialize! Tired of being sedentary and ready get myself in gear again.
One more update which is really a non-update.  I spoke to my doc after “tumor review” and she basically had no more info for me.  One thing that was strange was that the result of my HER2 was reported as negative (good) on my initial pathology, however surgical pathology was different so they will test that for a third time. Not sure why it would change – human error perhaps??   My initial biopsy was tested near New Year’s Day – maybe the tech was “compromised”.  The significance of the difference is that a positive HER2 would result in a different medication regimen.  AND Oncotype DX is still not back.  So still no closer to an answer about chemo. Bummer. That’s really the last piece I’m wondering about. She assures me she’ll let me know as soon as those tests are back. The Onco DX is not tested in the hospital lab but is sent away to California. She said to plan for another week or two. Ugh.  I have been passed along to the medical oncologist and physical therapist so I hope to meet with them both soon. I will continue to wait for all info with which they will make final decision/recommendations and of course, will post updates when I have some!Love to All,
D

Labs Back!

Got a call from Dr. Bellavance today.  Labs are back and all of her preliminary “naked eye” predictions were confirmed.  Lymph nodes are clear.  Margins are clear – meaning all tissue surrounding the cancer are free of cells.  This means no radiation!!   Prayers, candles, well wishes and positive vibes really do work!

My case will be reviewed at  “tumor review” next Tuesday.  Sounds fun… I envision bagels, danish, coffee, and tumor talk; a cancer klatch if you will.  The cons of my case still remain that my tumor was over 1 cm, I am at a relatively young age for diagnosis, and I have a family history of breast cancer. The results of the Oncotype DX are still a big piece of the puzzle  – that might just be the determining factor to tip the scales one way or the other.  These results are, of course, still not back.  She hopes to have them by Tuesday.  So, radiation out… chemo still a maybe.  Half yay?

I got two drains out on Tuesday and will likely get the others out next Tuesday when the nurse practitioner is available here in Hagerstown without having to go to Baltimore to see the plastic surgeon; another positive. Now THAT was a weird feeling!  She snipped the suture that held the tube in place and gave a huge yank –like you would to start a lawn mower and voila – tubing out!  It kind of wrapped over and around in a circle shape- I swear there must have been 18 inches in there! Rustin retched a little.

Hopefully Dr. Bellavance will call after tumor review, but I am scheduled to meet again with her in person next Fri. 2/21 for my surgical follow-up and recommendations.

Still living the life, but hanging in the slow lane. Had two snow days this week which work in my favor as far as accruing the number of days required for student teaching, but leave me little time to enjoy a peaceful recovery. Studying for my Praxis test which I will take tomorrow.  (state requirement for teaching certification)  I scheduled it months ago and changing the date would have put me too far out time wise. Taking that bull by the horns and plan to nail it. I can live off of the pain meds and am able to focus for the most part so I am going in with confidence. That seems to be decent strategy for me!  I still can’t drive so Rustin will have to occupy his time and wait some more for me.  He has been extreeeemely patient!

Well, Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope many of you have heard one or more “Happy ValenTIMES Day” wishes – one of my personal favorites.  I will enjoy some chocolate and a well deserved glass of wine.

I can’t say it enough –  thank you to so many for your generosity, and thoughtfulness. We have received so many fantastic meals, lovely gifts, and gestures of kindness.
Sending love from me and the Riss family back out to all of you who take time to read 🙂  I’ll post again when I get some more news.

drains…ouch.

One week post-surgery…  Ow.  The worst part at this point has been these damn drains.  I know I’m not the first to complain about them;  it seems to be a recurrent theme and it’s no wonder!  They are getting pretty irritating.  The tubes and holes in my skin have been there for over a week now and while they are taped down, they do tend to move and just feel weird.  My next appointment is on Tuesday so I hope to get at least two of the four out. I have to measure the output daily.  They are slowing down so that’s a good sign.  I am still bruised and sore from whatever was involved with the removal of tissue while under anesthesia.  I can only imagine it wasn’t a gentle process. Still no word on toxicology.  That was supposed to be about two weeks so I have a little time yet to wait. Yay. More of that virtuous patience that I possess. Overall, the pain has been pretty bearable, but the physical and endurance limitations have been frustrating.  I am much more tired than I expected to be or have the tolerance for. I am not a napper, but when my body shuts down I have had to adjust and succumb to the not so subtle message my body sends me.  I have decent range of motion. I can do my own hair and get dressed which is actually quite exciting.  I am stubbornly independent.  As a result I tend to get tired and sore. You don’t realize just how much you use your chest and core muscles just for everyday activities like just readjusting in a chair or pulling up your pants. After too much exertion my chest muscles tend to seize up and breathing becomes a bit painful just because of the chest expansion.  So I have to remind myself to take it slow.  I feel OK for a good while then I pay later.  All complaints aside, I really do feel like I am fortunate to be recovering well. 
Mental state….epiphanies at his point? As someone who tries to find a lesson in the midst of many of life’s curveballs, processing this one has been interesting as my perspective has evolved over the years.  What I’ve surmised:  most people are genuinely concerned for the welfare of others which is heartwarming.  Despite my often cynical view of people; each has his own set of life experiences, but when it comes down to brass tacks, people care.  People are curious but are afraid to ask questions or offend; and curiosity can be a blessing and a curse.  People fear the unknown and the potential of threats that are beyond their control. Fear can immobilize or inspire. If I can be an open book, a source of information, or inspiration, I may have begun to establish a purpose.
I have read others’ stories and blogs and have heard that tragedy for many has in some way been a “gift”.  I respectfully call BS.  A gift is a pretty, thoughtful keepsake.  The lessons learned as a result of tragedy or challenge may be viewed as eye opening, or life altering, but the tragedy itself – no, not a gift.  That’s crap.  If I could give it back I would, and if I could re-gift it, I wouldn’t.  I will learn from this and hopefully others will too.  I can reframe it and consider my “situation” a learning experience and chapter title, it’s not a tragedy.  This too shall have a resolution but I have yet to determine the moral of my story.  

So… feeling pretty good for now.  I can’t stress enough how insanely grateful we are for the wonderful messages and gestures of kindness and support – from family, close friends, acquaintances, colleagues and even complete strangers who relate to my situation.  I look forward to paying it forward and I hope others will consider more gestures of kindness too.  Maybe that’s the simple lesson and easiest way to start. Pay it forward and be kind.  Sounds easy enough. 

So here goes my first attempt at blogging post-surgery.  Where to begin?  I might as well just go through chronologically.
1/29 Off to Baltimore for the blue dye injection.  OK, nobody warned me about this!! Holy Hell – this was the most excruciating part!  A fast and furious injection of what felt like burning liquid injected dead center (if you know what I mean).  No anesthesia allowed. The burning sensation lasted a few minutes and then dissipated; I about broke some digits on the tech’s hand.
Went back to the hotel and had a lovely meal (crab cakes…yum) and tried my best to chill.  I was really ready, and at peace by this point so I actually slept pretty well and woke up ready.  Oh and a little Xanax to take the edge off seemed like it was justified.
1/30  Got a shower, put on some mascara, called the kids and headed out for 6:30 am check in at the hospital.  I wasn’t going to include this next bit, but hey – it’s me I gotta share.  Sometimes I tend to umm… blurt out thoughts… just sometimes.  So we’re in the elevator all fresh- faced, bags in hand.  A guy joins us, likely on his way down for the continental breakfast… just making some elevator small talk.  “So, where you folks headed today?”  (Oh no you dit-int – you walked in to this one)  I look at Rustin, thought for just a second, and in a Tourette’s moment I answer, “Headed to the hospital – double mastectomy day!”  … awkward silence….  “How about you?”  I ask cheerfully.  “Got a meeting in town, just down from Damascus.”  *DING*  “Well, Good luck”.  I about peed on the way to the car. 
Check in went quick. I was first on the books.  Bombarded by every team. Wrist tags on, IVs in, anesthesia team explanation – check, plastic surgery authorization-check, final visit with surgeon,  antiseptic wipe down. Gown on, OPEN IN BACK!  Wheeled off to pre-op parking.  Get my epidural/nerve block and relaxation drugs. Said goodbyes to Rustin and off to la la land. Surgery started at about 10:30 and I was back in recovery by about 2:30.  Surgeon informed  Rustin that Lymph nodes were negative! 
Woke up in recovery feeling pretty good. Groggy, nauseous but in very little pain. That Epi/nerve block was amazing!! No feeling whatsoever.  Nurses checking my vitals, BP was low, but I seemed to be doing ok. . It’s a teaching hospital so several residents, many who were still in their twenties checked in and took countless reports.
The big reveal. I’m kind of afraid to look. Surprisingly, I had no bandages or gauze.  Just under the gown was the remaining skin. I thought I would be shocked, but I really wasn’t. It ain’t pretty, but they’re  gone; it’s gone.  The tissue expanders are bizarre. It looks like some strange body art. Imagine a small deflated ball under the skin. I can see and feel the lumps as they are very close to the surface of the skin.  Small vertical incisions secured with internal sutures and outside surgical glue – it’s really not as bad as I expected.  I have two drains on each side which feels little weird – fish tank tubing hanging out of my armpits.
Moved to a private room at  about 2 am.  This was much more comfortable.  More vitals and pain-management cocktails.  Got my epidural removed and pain was much more evident. That was an actual nerve block and without it I felt a huge increase in pain.  Note to self – stay ahead of the pain.  So, spent the day loading up on pain meds, drinking my meals, and using the big  girl potty. Then OK’d for discharge by about 6 pm.  Loaded with home care instructions and we were  on our way.  Ahhh. Home.Greeted at home by my weepy, timid girls, and my mom.  Gentle hugs and a big  sigh of relief. They baked  a pink cake, and had balloons and a sign…so good to be home! 
First night sleeping at home was a bi%*#.  Thank goodness for the recliner. Finding the right combo of meds and staying on top of the pain will be key.  I actually feel pretty good.  Surprisingly better than I thought I’d be.  I’m up and about, but very tired, and of course sore. Taking thinks slow and moving very little. I can type 🙂 Being waited on hand and foot by my very patient family.  Bless their hearts. 
I have read all FB comments and see the “likes” and I can’t explain how heartwarming it is to know I have so many saying prayers and wishing our family well.  Apparently it has worked so far!
Final labs can take up to two weeks and that will determine final after care.  Will share that update and protocol as soon as we know.  Still have a long road ahead, but I’ll get there.  Love to everyone!

In surgery

This is Doreen’s husband. She has given me permission *sic* to update her blog for her. We got in to baltimore yesterday for her dye injection. I’m sure she will go in to more detail about it later, but let me just say how awful it was watching her go through that. After that, we had a good dinner at the hotel and tried to get a good nights sleep.
She has been wheeled back in to surgery and now the wait.
People warn you of all that you are to expect but you really can’t prepare until the day comes. I’m the man. I am supposed to fix things. To see someone as brave and strong as Doreen endure this kind of pain and fear is the hardest. I can’t fix it. I can’t take away the fear. It sucks.
When I left her prep room her chest was all marked up with purple marker, she had no makeup, and tubes were all getting hooked up. She was smiling and beautiful.
I have a good bunch of hours to burn sitting in a waiting room listening to musac versions of all my Kenny G favorites. I will post an update when surgery is done.

getting ready

I left my spring orientation meeting on Monday night with a ton of home cooked , freezer-ready meals. Homemade pastas, breakfast casserole, crockpot meals…. Yum!  I am constantly reminded that the people who enter the field of teaching do so because they have hearts of gold and want to make a difference in others’ lives. Other friends have offered meals, help with kids, time to talk, or whatever else we may need – it has been heartwarming.  We are surrounded by authentic, generous  people and I am so grateful.
As I mentally prepare for surgery I know my family will be well fed, well taken care of, and in the thoughts of countless family and friends. Rustin will post an update on here and on FB on Thursday afternoon. Hubby has been fantastic and is all ready to take on the extra responsibilities.  Devin and Delia seem to be a little more anxious lately.  They don’t like the thought that we’ll be out of town for two nights, but I think they are just starting to get a bit more curious about the whole surgery thing too. I just want it to be done.
Can’t wait to post my first post-surgery blog and see what kind of incoherent rant I can compose!  I know I will reflect on all of this a year or ten years from now and appreciate my own willingness to document my musings. Thanks for following along.
Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts.  If you pray, meditate or whatever else, I ask that you pray for healthy, well-rested doctors, steady hands, and focused minds. Also asking for clear margins, negative lymph nodes, and a quick recovery.   

Much love to all!!

Sunday morning with pumpkin spice coffee

Sunday morning.  Quiet time with a cup of coffee. Still enjoying my favorite limited edition flavor – pumpkin spice, which will sadly be out soon (I hoard them – seriously).  Had a fantastic weekend. Got a surprise visit from my dear friend Shawna who flew out to visit from Denver!!!  Spending time with her was wonderful, and picking up right where we left off nearly four years ago…priceless.  Had a blast with friends on Friday. A few drinks, and a ton of laughs was more therapeutic than I can explain!  In just a few years, we have managed to assemble an amazing group of friends.  We have been very blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people who continue to check in all the way from Alaska to the east coast. 
New news!  BRCA test was negative. Ahhhh.  That’s the one that tests for the gene mutation.  It was a relief for me not only for my prognosis, but for my girls. I was so relieved to know that according to this test, I do not carry the genetic mutation for breast cancer that could have been passed down to my daughters. Unfortunately, just having a mom diagnosed at a young age puts them at a much higher risk (it’s doubled); they will be screened earlier and will be closely monitored for signs of breast cancer which is good as early detection is huge.  Oh, and discussing this topic with two prepubescent girls is just sheer entertainment by the way. You want to see some wincing and squirming….?! 
So, I ask myself…why?  Not why – poor pity me, why? But just, WHY? Scientifically, out of medical curiosity. Why does this happen to some and not to others?  My grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 74 but sadly, we do not know her actual diagnosis or outcome as she died of unrelated causes several years later.  I would suspect that based on my grandmother’s symptoms that my mother told me about, she probably had a mass for years, but never told anyone.  My mother has never had it. If my grandmother had it, but not my mom, and it’s not a gene mutation, then why?  Of course that is the million dollar question.  I eat a rather healthy diet – mostly fruits and veggies and whole, natural, real foods – out of the ground, off of a tree, or had a mom. Very little processed stuff.  So WTH??? Perhaps my brilliant, curious, and motivated daughters will be inspired to pursue answers to this question or questions about other diseases. Who knows?  That “everything happens for a reason” thing?  Yeah, I hope to find out the reason and some more answers to the difficult questions some day.   That’s it for now.  Keeping positive thoughts!

Delay of game. Yesterday’s appointments were a no-go because of weather. I made it to Frederick to meet my dear friend Chrisa who kindly agreed to come to my appointment with me, but then turned around to come home because the roads were horrible!  Plus, traffic home from Baltimore would have been a nightmare later in the afternoon. So a wasted day, and a half a tank of gas later…  Do-over today.  Saw the plastic surgeon, Dr. Bluebond.  For those keeping track – gown open in front, and two more on the who’s seen my boobs list.  She is a graduate of Johns Hopkins and has a fantastic reputation.  She reviewed my options for removal and reconstruction. I have a few options to consider. One was even the tummy tuck and DIEP flap–where she would remove tissue from the lower tummy and relocate it to the breast. (oohhh a tummy tuck too ???) In reality, the additional scars and discomfort are just not for me. I think the Frankenstein outcome is just too much.  I will likely stick with the bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction. After surgery I will be left with tissue expanders that will be inflated with saline slowly over a period of several months and then replaced with implants later on. Sorry, this may be TMI but if you’re here reading I suppose you’re interested…because of the location of my tumor, nipple conserving surgery is not an option.  Again, the aesthetic outcome is a concern and fear, but I will do what is necessary to reduce any chances of recurrence.  And a talented tattoo artist can recreate what has been removed if you know what I mean.
As far as post-surgery treatment, I have to wait for final analysis and labs after removal of the tissue before I really know what will be recommended.  I have not yet met with an oncologist, and the reason is that s/he can really not make any decisions or recommendations until those tissues are analyzed.  The final results can take a few weeks after surgery.  We’ll be waiting for clear margins (no evidence of cancer cells in surrounding tissue) and clear lymph nodes.  We will share results and decisions as soon as we know them.So, no more doc appointments until the big day!  We are having some friends over to visit and blow off some steam on Friday. So many amazing friends have offered to stop by to have some laughs or share a drink, we figured it would be a good excuse to have a get-together.  I’m reeeealy looking forward to that!
I can see the activity on my blog stats, I am truly touched that so many are reading and finding value in my rants. I read every comment, text, email and FB inbox message and I appreciate them ALL.  Communicating with concerned family and friends, maintaining a happy household, and keeping up with school amidst my flighty, distractible emotional state, and borderline obsessive internet searches is time consuming to say the least.  I have allowed myself to put a few school demands on the back burner. Fortunately, I was granted some grace with deadlines for my research/methodology class by my very understanding professors. The irony is that I have read more statistical, quantitative medical journals in the past two weeks than I care to count!  Now if only I could use them for my action research project… darn.  

I keep a few fight songs so on my brain and I know I will get through this – I don’t doubt that for a minute.  Right now, I am taking time to breathe and enjoy my health, family, and friends.  The other things can wait.  It has been a struggle and strange shift for me, but right now I want to talk, enjoy snow days, write, organize, and relax and I am allowing myself to do that. I’m also going to treat myself to a pink pedicure.  Cute toes are a must-have accessory.