drains…ouch.
One week post-surgery… Ow. The worst part at this point has been these damn drains. I know I’m not the first to complain about them; it seems to be a recurrent theme and it’s no wonder! They are getting pretty irritating. The tubes and holes in my skin have been there for over a week now and while they are taped down, they do tend to move and just feel weird. My next appointment is on Tuesday so I hope to get at least two of the four out. I have to measure the output daily. They are slowing down so that’s a good sign. I am still bruised and sore from whatever was involved with the removal of tissue while under anesthesia. I can only imagine it wasn’t a gentle process. Still no word on toxicology. That was supposed to be about two weeks so I have a little time yet to wait. Yay. More of that virtuous patience that I possess. Overall, the pain has been pretty bearable, but the physical and endurance limitations have been frustrating. I am much more tired than I expected to be or have the tolerance for. I am not a napper, but when my body shuts down I have had to adjust and succumb to the not so subtle message my body sends me. I have decent range of motion. I can do my own hair and get dressed which is actually quite exciting. I am stubbornly independent. As a result I tend to get tired and sore. You don’t realize just how much you use your chest and core muscles just for everyday activities like just readjusting in a chair or pulling up your pants. After too much exertion my chest muscles tend to seize up and breathing becomes a bit painful just because of the chest expansion. So I have to remind myself to take it slow. I feel OK for a good while then I pay later. All complaints aside, I really do feel like I am fortunate to be recovering well.
Mental state….epiphanies at his point? As someone who tries to find a lesson in the midst of many of life’s curveballs, processing this one has been interesting as my perspective has evolved over the years. What I’ve surmised: most people are genuinely concerned for the welfare of others which is heartwarming. Despite my often cynical view of people; each has his own set of life experiences, but when it comes down to brass tacks, people care. People are curious but are afraid to ask questions or offend; and curiosity can be a blessing and a curse. People fear the unknown and the potential of threats that are beyond their control. Fear can immobilize or inspire. If I can be an open book, a source of information, or inspiration, I may have begun to establish a purpose.
I have read others’ stories and blogs and have heard that tragedy for many has in some way been a “gift”. I respectfully call BS. A gift is a pretty, thoughtful keepsake. The lessons learned as a result of tragedy or challenge may be viewed as eye opening, or life altering, but the tragedy itself – no, not a gift. That’s crap. If I could give it back I would, and if I could re-gift it, I wouldn’t. I will learn from this and hopefully others will too. I can reframe it and consider my “situation” a learning experience and chapter title, it’s not a tragedy. This too shall have a resolution but I have yet to determine the moral of my story.
So… feeling pretty good for now. I can’t stress enough how insanely grateful we are for the wonderful messages and gestures of kindness and support – from family, close friends, acquaintances, colleagues and even complete strangers who relate to my situation. I look forward to paying it forward and I hope others will consider more gestures of kindness too. Maybe that’s the simple lesson and easiest way to start. Pay it forward and be kind. Sounds easy enough.