AT LAST…
Well, it’s been some time since my last blog and while I’ve been crossing milestones and collecting thoughts I haven’t put fingers to keyboard. Today is the last day of school for the kids. The last day of elementary for my amazing little Delia. The last day of 7th grade for my incredible Devin. There have been a lot of notable “lasts” in the past few weeks and months. I realize, however, that these lasts are simply mile markers along the road. We take photos of the last day of school, on vacation, in the hospital, with a cast, with a loved one… some lasts are celebratory and some are heartbreaking; some are both. Lasts however, don’t necessarily have to be the highlight of the era. The important part is to utilize these lasts as identifiers of a significant time. We may not remember the significance of the 73rd day of school, but it may have been a tremendous day that will sadly go unnoticed and even pale in comparison to the last day of school. No photos, no Facebook status updates. We would never know that a day spent with a loved one might just be the last day we spend, yet we often focus on that day. “That was the last time I saw him.”
I guess what I’m thinking today is that we should take a little more time to notice the in-betweens and give just a little less credence to the lasts. My last chemo was May 15th. Alas it is nearly one month later. Certainly I will remember that day/date probably forever as an anniversary of an era – a mile marker if you will, and I will fondly remember the day more importantly because I spent it with wonderful friends whom I have known for decades. Additionally, I presented what I had compiled thus far for my action research project along with my classmates at school. I will remember the weeks and months leading up to the last day — the thoughts, feelings and emotions as an organic, kinesthetic blob during this era in my life with helpful little date stamps along the way. January 2nd diagnosis – last day of normalcy for a while, January 30th surgery – last day with boobs, May 15th -last day of chemo. Yes, many lasts. Lasts give us a reason to gather, to celebrate, to remember so for this reason they are worthwhile and necessary, but I can probably guarantee that that last day of elementary school, high school, with that special someone, or while in good health is NOT the most noteworthy day of that particular time period, but can be better utilized as a time stamp… a page separator. Take time to savor the in-between — the big sandwich with many layers of flavor and texture not because of the bread on the outside — that just keeps it all together in a neat little manageable bundle. The complexity of layers and flavors are what make a sandwich delicious – not the bread. Maya Angelou who sadly spent her last day alive on May 28th 2014 was quoted as having said, “People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” I love this quote and use it because I agree that memories are linked to feelings and emotions. Fortunately we have photos and clouds to document and store our experiences, but what we carry with us is our memories. I don’t know about you, but I remember feelings, situations, laughs, heartaches… I can’t tell you dates of many of the most enjoyable & memorable yet insignificant moments in my life, nor do I have photos, pamphlets, or programs. Honestly the undocumented, non-noteworthy, gut-splitting, laugh until you pee your pants, cry until you’re dry, chat until the wee hours, play like you haven’t a care in the world moments and days are the most memorable for me. So no, I didn’t blog around the time of my *last day of chemo* but perhaps it was not as significant as it seemed it should be. I have many more lasts and more importantly more what will become memorable days ahead.
Happy mile marker and end of a time period for many of my friends on this last day of school – I hope the year was enjoyable and you have many fantastic memories of insignificant dates to savor! Love to all.
Health updates: Feeling great, hair is growing back a little – looks like a kiwi, I started taking Tamoxifin – the maintenance drug that I will be on for like 5-10 years (no kidding). I’m feeling stronger and overall pretty healthy. I resumed fills in the expanders and will hopefully have reconstruction surgery in the next few months. The road to looking normal is the next phase – still wearing hats and penciling in my eyebrows, but I’ll get there.
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