July 20, 2014

I am about two months post my last chemo and am feeling great. I have almost full energy now and my blood levels are near normal. Reconstructive surgery is scheduled for Friday, August 8^th (YAY!)  I hope to be healing nicely and ready to roll when the new school year begins!  I think I am starting to behave like a teacher too. I SCORED at Joann’s clearance rack. Dollar items were 70% off so I hoarded stacks of goodies for 30 cents a pop. I’m stockpiling supplies in my basement; collecting ideas, resources and even décor for a classroom.  I will resume student teaching when school starts and plan to be finished with all requirements by late fall if I count my days right. I am so excited to get back in the swing of things and get this career rolling!
Details: (more for me than for anything because I reeeaally want to remember this) The tissue expanders are bizarre!  I get between 60-90 cc’s in each side at each fill which is about 2-3oz.  My plastic surgeon inserts a needle through my skin into a one way valve and squeezes in saline from a syringe.  They literally grow before my very eyes. The needle is not painful because I have no feeling in my breasts, but as the tissue and muscles tighten and stretch it becomes a bit uncomfortable. I am as expanded as much as I would like to be, probably even a little bigger and let me tell ya – these things are hard as rocks!  I wish I had a way to document the consistency. They truly feel like a sport ball of some sort –they don’t move at all, they give way to pressure but only slightly, and I am certain I would bounce if I fell.  I am told the implants are much more natural.  These temporary things are just doing their job and stretching tissue but they are so unnatural. They aren’t really painful but are more uncomfortable and annoying. I am looking forward to surgery so I can get a little closer to having normal anatomy. I will forever be without the “centerpieces” as I was unable to have sparing surgery, but I plan to have those details tattooed on later. There is an amazing artist in Baltimore that my friend Ann and I plan to use. Roadtrip, Anne! Can’t wait for my very own trompe l’oeil masterpiece(s).
Summer is going great. We’re enjoying a nice blend of busy and relaxing. We were able to take a lovely trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina with amazingly generous friends (Thanks Corey and Angie!) We planned to visit my friend Amy for the long 4^th  of July weekend, but she threw out her back L  The Ludemans invited us to join them for a few days and we graciously accepted.  We felt the girls deserved a getaway too.  What a beautiful place – we had a fantastic  time! 
I am coordinating and teaching gymnastics camp for three weeks. So far it’s been a blast.  We have about 14 kids each week and we keep them busy! It feels great to be active, using muscles, and having fun with the kiddos –and my girls get to attend so it’s been a win-win. I’ll be doing some painting for the set of an Annie production for a local theater company and I am so excited to be doing artwork – you know I’m all about the therapeutic properties of art-making!
So I’m really just trying to resume normalcy. Life goes on. I am often asked, “So what’s next?” Well, I see my oncologist in a month, then three months, then six, then annually.  I find peace knowing I have done all I can do to insure cancer will not return.  I’ve done my part, my docs have done theirs, the meds theirs. I have my surgery and any follow ups for aesthetic enhancement, I see my docs when they send reminder cards, I wait patiently for my hair to grow back and I  live as though I am cancer free. That’s all I can do.  Am I afraid? Sometimes. Will it stifle me? Certainly not.
I am near completion of my action research project subtitled, A study of the effects of breast cancer on my self-efficacy as an educator. The paper is the product of an in-depth study of my process. This self-study methodology was super enlightening. I am attaching a link to a video accompaniment that I made and I hope you will  visit.  I thought most would prefer that to 30 pages of introspection!  In it I pose the questions, “What’s your problem?” and “What’s your pedagogy?” (the art or method of teaching) I hope it is thought provoking to not only my teacher friends and professors who will critique my work, but for all who may take the time to process how struggles and challenges define their way of living.  My basic messages is that while we all have problems, how we manage them is an indicator of our character and by finding ways to manage them we learn and grow.  Boy have I grown!