The Value of Reflection

The word of the the day is REFLECTION.  Not the kind in the mirror, and certainly not the bouncing of light from a shiny surface. The kind of reflection where you assess your own behavior. 

It’s ironic that one definition of REFLECTION is “the throwing back by a body or surface without absorbing it, while the other is “serious thought or consideration”.  The two are kind of in opposition –throwing back without absorbing and serious thought (i.e. absorbing)…. weird. So why is REFLECTION my word du jour (du month)?  Because lately I have encountered numerous people who have no clue about the value of true reflection but instead prefer retaliation and/or deflection. Thus, my Lemonade Life Lesson is the skill and value of REFLECTION. I think I’ve gotten kind of good at it so why not share my knowledge –  I hope you can grab a takeaway!

For much of my adult life – in art classes, therapy, school to become a therapist, professional development and after teacher observation/evaluation I have been forced required to REFLECT in numerous professional capacities.  My career choice(s) have come with the the process of reflection and I feel that it is a VALUABLE tool that everyone should learn. Throughout my studies in art, psychology, therapy and education I was required to subject myself to scrutiny in the effort of becoming better – a better artist, therapist, teacher; a better person.  How many other professions are required to actually reflect on their efficacy and make changes – ultimately working toward growth and professionalism?  No seriously – it’s a rhetorical question, but I actually wonder. Do you REFLECT? And upon reflection, do you have an objective person or team of people give you feedback on your willingness to take a look at your areas in need of improvement? AND THEN follow up so see how that growth went? 

Therapy is an amazing outlet – If you’ve never done it, I strongly recommend it. I was required to go during the process while obtaining my MA in art therapy. Takes one to know one sort of thing – and I actually learned a ton about the process of therapy and about myself. Thus, I feel I have become a pretty good reflector.  And not a DEFLECTOR as many people are. True reflection requires that concept of vulnerability. To become a reflector, you must allow yourself to become vulnerable – open yourself up to what just might be some uncomfortable truths. To DEFLECT and defend, you simply fight the hard, uncomfortable fight and guess what happens – nothing! No growth – no improvement!  To truly REFLECT you need to look at the areas in need of improvement  *really analyze* invest in some “serious thought or consideration” and think about how you could have behaved, acted or responded differently. Along with that comes growth and more positive outcomes – peace, love, happiness for others! 

Take an art course –  seriously – I mean ENROLL in one. Let me tell you about CRITIQUE day? Oh that’s fun. Your peers and professors are given carte blanche to tear you and your creation up, and guess what – it makes you a better artist!  You are forced to analyze mistakes, technique, and overall product. During supervision while working to become a therapist – you are scrutinized for every decision and missed opportunity. And guess what – it makes you a better therapist. During professional observation in the classroom, an administrator sits silently in your classroom vehemently taking notes in on numerous parameters from your classroom setup, professionalism, tone, interaction, lesson effectiveness  –  I could go on. And then you discuss it, and analyze what you could have done differently/better. Oh it’s not comfortable; it stings a little, but upon true REFLECTION you learn to say, OH YES – I see how I could improve there! People aren’t mean – evaluators, peers – they are there to give you an objective opinion about what you may not see…your “blind spots” if you will, for which you need REFLECTION (mirrors) to see. If you defend it -or retaliate against them – you miss it. You miss the opportunity for growth and TOO many people do this!! Sure it’s painful to hear all of the ways that you might suck, but if you really listen you might not suck so much in the future.

Do we get formal life evaluations and critiques?  Hey, I wanted to talk to you about that interaction with your neighbor the the other day? Do you think you could have stated your opinion in a more assertive, yet non-confrontational way? Do you think your word choice and body language was effectively communicating the message you wished to convey? Do you think you could have done something differently that might have contributed to a more positive outcome prior tothe conflict?  Do you think your choices and decisions were made with integrity and are in the best interest of those in your life? That’s the meat and potatoes right there. OR are you sitting on your high horse and thinking your neighbor is just an A$$#@!* and your conflict has absolutely nothing to do with your contribution or lack thereof.  

SO if this gets you in the feels – maybe it’s time to reflect. I mean really REFLECT. Nope, not defend, excuse, rationalize, retaliate or blame. REFLECT. It takes TIME, practice,repetition and vulnerability. Practice REFLECTION. Maybe you can discover something about yourself. Maybe you will see a blind spot or area in need of improvement and maybe, just maybe see how different your outcomes might be. Be open to that constructive criticism – people aren’t just jerks. Those tough words you don’t like to hear – maybe it’s you? Hmmm… REFLECT on that!

Much Love,

D.